The storm broke just in time for me to walk outside and watch tonight's shuttle launch. I was able to watch it go for a pretty good way before it finally disappeared behind the clouds. Every since I stood outside and watched Challenger explode during launch I get a knot in the pit of my stomach while watching one go up. The shock of seeing what happened to Challenger live and in person and not on television has always stayed with me and I am reminded of it every time I watch a launch. I j...

I believe that the Wellbutrin is starting to work a bit. I've had two decent nights sleep in a row now. The stuff does seem to spawn some odd dreams but I am otherwise finally getting some real sleep. Just getting some proper rest makes a world of difference with depression. It becomes a vicious cycle. The depression saps you of energy and makes you feel very tired but it also interferes with your ability to get restful sleep. All you feel like doing is sleeping but you're unable to do so...

I haven't done any knitting since this depression stuff started but today I bought a skein of yarn in a color to match Mom's new sofa. I had seen a pretty cool looking knitted clock and am making one for her. I still have to pick up some cork board for the backing and the actual clock mechanism itself, but for now I can work on knitting the clock face. Hopefully I'll get to feeling like finishing those socks I started, but for now the clock is something pretty simple as well as something d...

I'm pretty much a live and let live kind of person but I can't abide trespassers. When I got home today I discovered that a group of gnats had moved into my home. I assume they're in here getting out of the heat as there's nothing left out to attract them. Like I said, I can't abide trespassers. I gave them a warning, which they chose to ignore, and then cut lose with my weapon (rolled up magazine). It was a long, drawn out affair but I think I have managed to kill all but a few straggle...

I got an early start this morning and delivered the military truck to the Marine base at Blount Island, FL. I then started out for home. Amazingly enough I ran into no traffic or weigh station problems coming home. I cruised right through Orlando without having to stop or even slow down (that NEVER happens) and made it home without incident. That kinda makes me nervous. It went too smoothly. I told dispatch that I'd be home until Monday. That will give me a few days of rest before headi...

I had what I thought was a good idea for an article. Now I wish I could remember what it was. Damn. Has anyone seen my idea?

I was listening to Sherlock Holmes on the XM radio today and have a bloody British accent stuck in my head now so if you don't mind, read the following with an imagined British accent ala Holmes or Watson. Sorry for the bother, that's just the way it came out you know. When you're in the midst of a depression episode you pretty much don't care about anything and pretty much everything is just too much of a bother to deal with. Depression episode; that's what my shrink always called it back...

I'm parked at a small fuel stop. I walked inside a short while ago to get a bite to eat. I wish I had noticed the bus parked there before I had gone it. If I had, I wouldn't have bothered at all. The place was crowded with noisy people wandering and milling around, none of whom paid the slightest bit of attention to where they were going or what they were doing. How does one survive to adulthood without learning the simple lesson of looking where the hell you're going? I swear I came very,...

They had the ac in my truck fixed by the time I got to the yard. I checked in at the office and he said he was putting together a load to Florida for me. That will work out just fine. The annual 72 hour Federal DOT concentrated inspection will be taking place of the 6th, 7th, and 8th of this month. It's when they bring in extra manpower at all of the scales as well as put extra vehicles on the road to pull over trucks for inspections. It's a real pain in the ass and doesn't actually accomplis...

I went over to Appleby's for dinner. There were two bartenders working, one I know and a new one. I spent some time chatting with the new one and found her rather cute and interesting. At some point in our conversation she mentioned her father's age. He's the same age I am. Shit. I am definitely old now.

I hauled a fire truck down to Milwaukee this morning and delivered it to the Sheriton hotel across from the airport. Some kind of big trade show. I then went to the Army Reserve base and picked up a tanker trailer and brought it back to the yard. I checked in with the shop, yelled at the guy who runs the shop about my ac not being fixed right, and then laid down in my bunk for a nap. I was exhausted. They woke me a couple of hours later and had me pull the truck into the shop. They disc...

I had what I would normally consider a very easy day today. I went down to Waukesha and picked up this huge steel...thing, it was oversized, and hauled it down to Rockford, IL. That was only a couple of hours. I delivered it and then deadheaded up to Oshkosh where I have been parked since. Tomorrow morning I have to pick up a fire truck and haul it down to Milwaukee for a trade show of some sort, another short trip. No idea what I'll do after that. The problem is, I have absolutely no ene...

After a short nap I walked over to Appleby's for some dinner. When I walked in I thought that I heard someone call my name but being as my sinuses are wreck and my ears are plugged I thought I imagined it and kept walking towards the bar. Then I heard it again and was sure. I turned around and saw our office manager sitting at a table with a little girl and an elderly woman. I walked over and said hello. She introduced me to her daughter and her mother. We chatted for a moment and I then m...

I went and saw a doctor today about my trying to quit smoking and my depression. I'm really glad that I did. He was a very nice guy who seemed to truly understand the situation. He told me that it was very common for people with clinical depression to self medicate with cigarettes to temporarily correct the chemical imbalance that causes the depression and he wasn't at all surprised that I was a heavy smoker. He said some of the chemicals in cigarette smoke acted as anti-depressants. He...

As much as I would like to quit smoking I am finding it almost impossible at the moment. The symptoms of quitting are severely interfering with my ability to do my job and the light-headedness that comes for a few days with quitting makes me a danger on the road. I simply can't deal with doing my job and quitting at the same time. The only solution that I can think of that may work out is to simply wait until I go home again. I usually stay home for at least a week which would me more tha...