My father died from depression when I was 10 years old. Shotgun. In his day and age men simply didn't go to the doctor for something like that. It was a weakness. Something to be ashamed of.
The chemical imbalances that cause depression are quite often genetic. One can inherit it from one or both parents. I inherited it from my father. Yep, I suffer from clinical depression. But I won't let it kill me like it did my father.
I have "those" thoughts from time to time. I remember a time several years ago when I found myself sitting on my couch with a loaded .357 in my lap. I don't remember getting and loading it with hollow points. I just found myself sitting there holding it and thinking thoughts best left not thought. Funny thing is, I really didn't have any good reason for it. Life was actually pretty good then but depression doesn't care about that.
Right then and there I decided to go get help as I refused to let it kill me like it killed my father. I got angry. Angry has always worked for me in situations like that. I refused to be another sad story in the newspaper.
Help is out there, and it really does work.
I do still sometimes have "those" thoughts cross my mind but I was taught how to deal with them. They are terrible thoughts that can have a lot of power if you let them. The trick is in taking away their power. It isn't easy at times. They can be very strong. But they can be defeated.
I am currently on the brink of the depths of that black fog. I felt it coming on and immediately sought help. It takes time for the drugs to kick in and I know I just have to hang on until they do. That black fog is a terrible place that I have been and do not want to revisit so I am doing everything I can to hang on. It isn't easy.
Many people do not understand depression. They think it's just a funk, a state of mind or emotion that one can simply snap out of. That simply isn't true. It's a serious illness that can be fatal. It's more than just a mental state. There are very real physical reasons for it and very real physical symptoms including pain in various parts of the body, and serious malfunctions of body organs. For me my kidneys and liver malfunction when I am in the depths of depression. The brain chemical issues that cause depression affect all of the body.
Extreme fatigue is a common symptom of depression. The body simply can't function normally when the brain doesn't function normally. I am there now. I can not get fully awake during the day and have no energy at all. I am finding it very hard to function.
And of course "those" thoughts creep in. They're always there, just waiting for the chance to move into the spotlight. And they seem so reasonable and tempting. That's the real catch. They actually make sense at the time.
The key is in getting medical help. It doesn't have to be fatal. "Those" thoughts don't have to win. It's as easy as going to the doctor. Personally, I am not quite ready to check out.