On Being Lonely (or alone)

Published on October 7, 2005 By MasonM In Blogging

Jo Ann and I broke up in June of last year, after over 7 years of being together. Why isn't important at this point, we just did. We are still friends. She calls me every week or two. I don't call her.

The first 6 months or so after we spilt up I was busy driving truck over the road, never spending any time in one place. Then I had the wreck which really turned my world inside out and left me severely disabled and bed ridden for 7 months or so.

Now I am able to get around reasonably well, am working, and socializing a bit. I never considered myself as a person who "needed" someone. I have always been happy with my own company. I'm not antisocial by any means as I enjoy talking to people and socializing. I've just never "needed" anyone in my life.

After more than a year and a half since Jo Ann and I split up, I am feeling something I have never felt before. Lonely. Maybe it's just horny, I don't know, but I don't think so.

I socialize and all that, but realistically I have nothing to offer someone. I'm partially crippled, working a low wage job, don't have my own place to live, am overweight now because of the months of being laid up, and don't even own a car (and don't want to). Not exactly the catch of the day.

But it would be nice to meet someone with whom I could have a close relationship with. It just doesn't seem like much of a possibility right now. The word "loser" seems to apply these days. What a turn around from a few years ago when I had everything going for me.

Ok, I have been drinking a bit and it has affected my mood. Perhaps it's the rough week I've had at work. Whatever, I just feel right now that I am destined to spend the rest of my life alone and wearing the "loser" label.

Feel free to totally ignore this whine fest. I just felt like getting it off my chest. Move on folks, nothing to see here.

Comments

Texas Wahine

on Oct 08, 2005

I'm partially crippled, working a low wage job, don't have my own place to live, am overweight now because of the months of being laid up, and don't even own a car (and don't want to).

Partially Crippled...I wouldn't characterize you that way at all. You've faced adversity. You have a fire in you...determination. I view it as able to walk, able to ride a bicycle, able to work...after a devastating accident. That's definitely something to offer. That fire, that determination. What woman doesn't want a man like that?

Working a low wage job...after a devastating accident, you not only have a job, but have so impressed your employers that you have been begged to take a supervisor position. Hard working. Competent. That's what I see there. The money's not important. If it is, then the woman's got a problem, not you. Again, this is definitely something I'd value in a man.

Don't have a place of your own...meh. You're getting back on your feet. I certainly wouldn't hold that against you. Now, if you live in your mom's basement, are bald, and spend all your free time making model robots...well, then it would be a turn off, hehe.

Overweight...I've seen pics...you look plenty good to me! You seem to have a commitment to fitness, so I think perhaps you judge yourself very harshly. No need, though. You're an excellent catch.

Don't own a car (and don't want to)...heh, you're athletic. You enjoy the experience of being truly outdoors during your commute. These things are bad, how? These are excellent qualities.

I realize you're not asking for any sort of affirmation, but IMO, you're quite a man and then some! Any woman who doesn't recognize that is not worth your time.

MasonM

on Oct 08, 2005

Wow TW, I appreciate the reply. While I don't exactly agree with you right now, I'm sure i'll read this again tomorrow and feel very flattered.

Manopeace

on Oct 08, 2005

I gotta agree with Tex 100%.

Dr Guy

on Oct 08, 2005

Well, Tex is the godess of poetic verse! And she is right.

So, I am going to suggest On Line dating. After a long (and loveless - as she told me) marriage, I was looking for friends. I found a lot!

And my wife. It was not love at fist sight, but I think our love has grown. But most importantly, we liek each others company and fill that need very well.

Dont sell youself short. I too have seen the pictures. You are a catch!

best of luck. You dont have to get married, but you can get some fun dates (I got tons of them!).

MasonM

on Oct 08, 2005

Thanks folks.

Doc, online dating really isn't my style. I know it works for some folks, but it just never seemed like something I would want to do.

I'm getting to know folks around town now and eventually I'll make close friends. That takes time. The closest female friend I have here at the moment also happens to be married (just my luck

).

I guess I'm still in that transition phase and adjusting to the new life.

Dr Guy

on Oct 08, 2005

Doc, online dating really isn't my style.

Well, to each his own. When I found myself back on the dating scene after 20 years, bars were and are not my scene. It was easier. I met a lot of nice people, and got some turndowns (hard ones) as well.

Best of luck.

foreverserenity

on Oct 11, 2005

Yea..what Tex said and said so well.

As you know M, it's the drinks talking in you right now and it only makes you feel sorrier for yourself. Been there, done that. You'll feel better in the morning. And don't trash talk yourself anymore ok, think positive and be positive that things will get better. I know you don't want to hear that and it's easier said than done, but take it from one who has been on many a roads, and still do sometimes, it will get better. It might not look it but it will. And even though you might be in the position you are now, one day you wont' be. Just take it one day at a time, that's all you can do. Remember a couple of months ago you were holed up and had no job....look at you now.

MasonM

on Oct 11, 2005

Thanks serenity.

I stay pretty positive most of the time, so I'd say I'm doing ok. I'm pretty realistic about myself and my current situation, including knowing the only true constant in the universe is change.

Moderateman

on Oct 11, 2005

Sounds like ya got the been down so long it looks like up to me blues mason,

I ain't gonna tell ya how purdy ya are, or tell ya to stop being so hard on yerself.

But what I will do { I only do this to people I like and feel some kinship with}

SMACK!@!!! onna back-o-head, now stop that!

foreverserenity

on Oct 11, 2005

SMACK!@!!! onna back-o-head, now stop that!

hahaha....

!

Of course you're allowed a few pity-poor-me parties....nothing wrong with that and it's actually good therapy! (of course only if you can pick yourself up off the floor when you're done!)

MasonM

on Oct 11, 2005

SMACK!@!!! onna back-o-head, now stop that!

Thanks, I needed that.

Welcome Guest! Please take the time to register with us.
There are many great features available to you once you register, including:

Richer content, access to many features that are disabled for guests like commenting on the forums.
Access to a great community, with a massive database of many, many areas of interest.
Access to contests & subscription offers like exclusive emails.
It's simple, and FREE!