I am here, brothers and sisters, to tell you about a great evil which has spread across our great land. Most of us have come into contact with this evil force at some point in our lives, and it never fails to bring misery and heartbreak whenever it is encountered.
Imagine that you are out for the day, shopping for example. There you are, strolling along the sidewalk peering into the windows of interesting-looking shops when it hits you. That sudden, unmistakeable urge that tells you that you shouldn't have eaten that chili cheeseburger for lunch.
Desperately, you look around for someplace where you can relieve this uncomfortable urge, and you spot a gas station a block down the street. You hurry, as much as your clinched cheeks will allow, to make it to the blessed gas station, with it's wonderful public restroom.
You burst through the door, grasp the handle, and there it is! The evil, vile, horrendous 25 cent pay toilet! AHHHHHHHH!
In desperation you dig for a quarter. A dime, a nickel, a few pennies, no quarters! Frantic now, you look around for some salvation from this evil menace glaring dispassionately back you, mocking your pain. There! You see it! An 18 inch gap between the bottom of the stall door and the less than clean floor.
You glance around wildly to see if anyone can see you, and you make your move. Relief at last! But, at what cost to your dignity, not to mention your clothing?
That is the evil which we must purge from our land, brothers and sisters! We must band together to fight this menace to society! This terrible, demoralizing evil must be stopped! I urge you to write your congressman, or at the very least your local gas station manager, at once.