Tonight finds me just South of Nashville, TN. After spending way too much time held up in a road construction related traffic jam. I checked into a motel after I got out of Nashville.

I have stayed here before and know the owner, a fellow with the last name of Patel (Indian for Smith LOL). He is a nice fellow and remembered me from my previous stays here. It's a clean and comfortable place and has a Hooters night next door.

I accidentally wandered over to Hooters for dinner and a few brews. I hate when that happens! While I was there I had not one but two different people tell me that I look like a college professor. That probably wouldn't have been so strange to me except for the fact that I did spend a good deal of my previous career as an educator/trainer.

I was a High School teacher for a couple of years, and was a technical trainer in my previously chosen industry for several years. It just struck me as a bit odd that I, a long haul trucker dressed in cargo pants and a flannel shirt, would be mistaken for an educator not by one person but by two.

Ah well, perhaps some aspect of intelligence and education somehow shows through in spite of one trying to disguise it and some people just pick up on it. I have to be honest about the fact that I do try to hide the fact that I am educated when I am on the road. Most of the people with whom I deal are not very well educated and it seems to work better if they perceive  me as "one of them". Most of them seem to be threatened by someone they perceive as better educated than themselves.

I guess some folks are just more perceptive than others, or perhaps I am simply not as good at hiding my background as I thought I was. Either way, I was "outed" by two different people tonight and have to admit that it shook me a little bit as I really did think that I had been doing a good job of "blending in".

 But then I do struggle with the fact that my own pride and dignity demand that I just be myself. It is actually very difficult to try and be a lesser person. Maybe, despite my business reasons for doing so, it isn't the right way to go?

Decisions, decisions. Life is full of them. The guys with whom I work already think of me as a bit "odd" despite my attempts to be "one of them". What would it be like if I were to just be myself? Total alienation? Respect? Who knows?

I know they respect me in a way, because I am a senior driver and know the job very well. They also know I am something of a computer geek and seek my advice on such matters, but how would they feel if they knew my background, education, and pre-trucking work history?

And, more importantly to me, should I even care at all? That is what bothers me the most. I do care, sort of, but should I? My intellect says no. My feelings say yes.

I have always been one who considers more intellect than feelings, but no rational person can dismiss his feelings. They may not weigh heavily in important decisions, but they do exist and must be considered even if not with the same weight as reason. Frankly, most decisions must be made based upon reason at the expense of feelings but those feelings must be considered just the same.

I am reaching a point in my life where I really don't care about what other people think, even those with whom I work closely. Perhaps I just answered my own questions. Do I really, seriously care if other people like me, accept me, etc? Honestly, no. I really don't. Do I like it when they do? Yes. Do I need or crave it?

No.

I guess those are my answers after all.