Yeah, this is basically a whine.

I hurt my back a few days ago handling tarps. When I woke this morning I knew I was in trouble as I couldn't even roll over in the bed without some serious pain. It took me over 30 minutes and a great deal of pain just to put on my socks.

I can barely walk and can't stand straight at all. This shit basically sucks. Yeah, I am whining about it because there's pretty much nothing else I can do about it. If I go to an emergency room it will cost me a lot of time just to get a script for some drugs I am not allowed to take when driving, and if I report the injury to my employer I'll wind up off work and seeing some quack for who knows how long.

So I am just suffering it in silence and hoping it will improve with time.  Right now I am sitting in my truck dreading going to bed despite being tired because I know that laying there for several hours will just result in a great deal more stiffness and pain. Doesn't that just suck like hell?

Whine whine whine whine whine whine.

I know I can take it, that's not a concern for me. It just sucks that I am not able to cover it well enough so that others don't see it. I had breakfast sitting at the counter of a truck stop today and when I got up to pay my bill my pain and lack of ability to walk properly was noticeable enough to a fellow driver that he commented on the fact that it looked really painful. I just had to say "Yeah it is" and move on as best I could. I really hated the fact that my pain was noticed by someone else. Somehow that was even worse than the pain itself.

So far I have resisted the need to use my cane to get around but honestly if I feel as bad or worse tomorrow I may have no choice. I hate using the damn thing but if my back is as bad tomorrow I will probably have to use it just to have something to lean against. I stood in line today to pay for a bottle of Gatorade and the clerk was especially slow. I was in the middle of the floor with nothing at all to lean against and by the time I finally got up to the counter to pay for my drink I was nearly in tears and could barely stand. I paid for my drink while nearly laying on the counter.

Yeah, we all have our problems to deal with and right now this is mine. I just have to remind myself that no matter how bad I feel there is someone out there that feels even worse. But sometimes ya just have to whine about it anyway despite hating whiners with a passion.

On a positive note I was able to finally catch up my house payment today. I am no longer in danger of losing my home, at least for this month. That is in large part thanks to the JUers who graciously sent monies to help me through the past several weeks of lean times. They all have my eternal thanks for that and helped to restore my faith in my fellow human beans.

I got a decent paycheck for a change and, because of the help of some generous people, I had enough to pay up the house and make it current again. When I hung up the phone it was like a great weight had been lifted from me and I felt truly good for the first time in a while despite my physical pain. For the first time in a very long time I can look at my fellow human beings in a more positive light. That in itself is worth the world.

OK, I've whined enough about my physical troubles, we all have them and they are all whine worthy, and mine is hardly to be considered serious as it's just pain. I am reasonably certain nobody ever died from a backache so I really have no right to bitch when there are people out there, some of them I consider friends, who have truly life threatening illnesses they deal with every day.

But I whined anyway. Just to get it out of myself. Maybe that's enough to make it a little better. Who knows?