I've been trying like hell to make it home in time for Mom's throat cancer surgery on Friday but Murphy's Law has been in full effect and it just isn't going to happen. At best I'll make it there a day or two after.

This is really depressing me and stressing me at the same time. I know she really wanted me there when she goes in. As her health is poor I am really concerned about her going in for this surgery. The last time she had surgery she stopped breathing on the table and they had a hell of a time getting her going again. I have this real dread that things aren't going to go well.

I know my being there or not won't have any real effect on but I would at least like to be there with her before she goes in. I know she does as well. I just don't have a good feeling about this and am really pissed that things haven't worked out so that I can be there for her.

Knowing that I can't make it there in time has really bummed me out. I am writing this now after hitting the bar and getting inebriated. Yeah, I know, that doesn't actually help anything and isn't the best thing for someone prone to depression to begin with and going through a stressful and depressing situation, but it did take my mind off it for a little while.

Ah well, I've said it before and I'll surely say it again, life sucks. Ya do the best ya can and try to be a decent person. Ya generally get fucked for the trouble, but that's the way it goes.