I received this in an email today.
HISTORY LESSON FOR TRUE BELIEVERS......"
For those who don't know much about history......
Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers.
They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on
fish and lobster in the winter..
The two most important events in all of history were:
1. The invention of beer, and
2. The invention of the wheel.
The wheel was invented to get man to the beer.
These
were the foundations of modern civilization and together were the
catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:
1. Liberals
2. Conservatives.
Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture.
Neither
the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early
humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just
stayed close to the brewery.
That's how villages were formed.
Some
men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night
while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known
as the Conservative movement.
Other
men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the
conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the
sewing, fetching, and hair dressing.
This
was the beginning of the Liberal movement. Some of these liberal men
eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as girlie-men.
Some
noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the
invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic
voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives
provided.
Over
the years Conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most
powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by
the jackass.
Modern
liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white
wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish, but like their beef
well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.
Another
interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher
testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal
injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood
and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated
hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.
Conservatives
drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their
women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks,
construction workers, firemen, medical workers, police officers,
corporate executives, athletes, marines, and generally anyone who works
productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives
who want to work for a living.
Liberals
produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide
what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more
enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained
in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. The liberals crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.
Here ends today's lesson in world history.......
It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above.
A
Conservative will simply laugh and knowing the absolute truth of this
history begin forwarding it immediately to other true believers and to
more liberals just to piss them off....