Excerps from Actual Performance Evaluations
Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."
"Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig."
"When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there."
"He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle."
"This young lady has delusions of adequacy."
"He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them."
"This employee should go far - and the sooner he starts, the better."
"This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."
"His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity."
"I would not allow this employee to breed."
"This associate is not so much as a has-been, but more of a definitely won't be."
Examples of what NOT to do at a job interview
An applicant challenged the interviewer to an arm wrestle.
An applicant wore a Walkman, explaining that she could listen to the interviewer and the music at the same time.
An applicant fell and broke his arm during the interview.
A candidate announced she hadn't had lunch and proceeded to eat a hamburger and french fries in the interviewer's office.
An applicant explained that her long-term goal was to replace the interviewer.
A candidate said he had never finished high school because he was kidnapped and kept in a closet in Mexico.
A balding candidate excused himself and returned to the office a few minutes later wearing a hairpiece.
An applicant said that if he was hired he would demonstrate his loyalty by having the corporate logo tattooed on his forearm.
An applicant interrupted interview to phone her therapist for advice on how to answer specific interview questions.
A candidate brought a large dog to interview.
An applicant refused to sit down and insisted on being interviewed while standing up.
One candidate dozed off during interview.