A bunch of useless crap
Published on August 8, 2007 By MasonM In Blogging
JoAnn and I split up in early '04 and I moved from VA back to FL. After 7 years it was over between us. And yet I still got calls from her at least once a month. I was never sure exactly why.

After my wreck the day after Christmas in '04 she called me at the hospital in Milwaukee to see how I was doing. That was nice. When I was released from the hospital to fly home at the end of January '05 she paid for my plane ticket. We'd been split up for a little shy of a year by then.

She called me every couple of weeks during my recovery period. After I was able to go back to work she called me about once a month but eventually that started spanning out to every 6 weeks, then every couple of months, and finally I hadn't heard from her for a few months.

While I was sitting here in the hotel room my phone rang and it was her. She didn't want anything specific, just to talk. It was nice to hear from her, but in some ways to me it's kind of like pouring salt into a wound. It must be to her too. So why does she call?

I haven't called her a single time since we split up. Not once. Because I don't care? No. Because I feel that if it's over, it's over, why prolong the misery?

We split on as good a terms as a couple can split. We mutually agreed that it was best as she wanted to get married and I didn't. That was our whole disagreement. It wasn't a fight, nor was it a blow-out. It was a conversation we had in which we both expressed our feelings in a very sane and rational way and decided that there simply wasn't a middle ground there.

I just don't understand why she still calls after all this time.

Comments
on Aug 09, 2007

Short answer: she calls because she considers you a friend and because she cares about you as a friend.  Perhaps as something a little more, but at least as a friend.

Though it's painful to you to think of calling her, you say it's nice to hear from her and that tells me it's a pain you can live through.  Perhaps you could call her occassionally just to say thanks for being a friend, and thanks for caring.  You can clarify things a bit as you talk through things and make sure it's clear that you're still just working on being friends and nothing more, but it sounds to me like it is at least worth maintaining a friendship here.

I seem to recall some old sayings about never having too many friends.  Especially not good friends.  If you have some time, perhaps you can call this friend and make sure things stay comfortable between you while also showing that you appreciate this friendship.

on Aug 09, 2007
Short answer: she calls because she considers you a friend and because she cares about you as a friend. Perhaps as something a little more, but at least as a friend.


If that's all it was I could probably live with that, but it's far more than a friendship thing and as we are split up that's what makes me less than comfortable with it. It's almost like we're still together even though we aren't, if that makes any sense at all (doesn't to me).

Either way I guess I'm just not used to having an on-going relationship with someone with whom I've been close but am not any longer. Most of my ex-girlfriends would rather hit me than talk to me
on Aug 09, 2007
YOu split up amicably.  WHich means you had different goals, but that does not mean her love stopped when you split up.  SHe calls because she still loves you, and cares for you.
on Aug 09, 2007
Maybe her love was (and is) true. True enough that she hasn't found another. True enough to wait. To give you a LOT of space and time. To cling to the hope, however slim it may be, that someday you'll reconsider.


Well, the split wasn't all my idea, it was a mutual decision. And to be honest I still care about her too but don't see much chance that we'll get back together.
on Aug 09, 2007
YOu split up amicably.  WHich means you had different goals, but that does not mean her love stopped when you split up.  SHe calls because she still loves you, and cares for you.


Yeah, I know. She just deserves better.
on Aug 09, 2007
Better question: Why do you answer?
on Aug 09, 2007
Better question: Why do you answer?


Odd habit of mine, when the phone rings I answer it. I find they work better that way.
on Aug 09, 2007
When the phone rings I check to see who it is, then answer it if I want to talk to them. I find it work a LOT better that way.
on Aug 09, 2007
When the phone rings I check to see who it is, then answer it if I want to talk to them. I find it work a LOT better that way.


I never bother to look at the caller ID screen.
on Aug 09, 2007
... give her a special ring-tone.   

"Yeah, I know. She just deserves better."

Most women do.