A bunch of useless crap
Published on June 24, 2006 By MasonM In Misc
Once upon a time people held common courtesy in high regard. Gentlemen addressed each other as "sir" and women as "ma'am" or more commonly as "lady". Gentlemen held doors open for ladies as well as other gentlemen and a person who failed to abide by the commonly accepted rules of civilized society was considered a cad, undesireable, and an unwelcomed sort.

Somewhere between McDonald's and iPods courtesy died without anyone noticing. Today rudeness appears to be the norm and is not only socially acceptable but almost required. It's rare these days to see a gentleman tip his hat to a lady, (assuming he's even wearing a hat at all) or refrain from using vulgar language in a lady's presence. And it's even more rare to see a lady accept such graciousness in stride, choosing instead to either question the actions or engaging in vulgar activities herself.

What ever happened to genteel society? Is there something so wrong with people addressing each other in a civil manner? Is there a problem with using a bit of civility when speaking with another person?

Tonight while imbibing in a few adult beverages I was my customary self and acknowledged the barkeep's efforts when he brought me a fresh drink with a simple "Thank you, sir". After a while he actually asked me to not call him sir. When I asked him the reason for this absurd request he indicated that he wasn't comfortable being addressed in such a manner and preferred a simple "thank you" to "thank you, sir". Preposterous.

While I obliged him his request, I found it extremely odd that in this modern age people are actually uncomfortable with what at one time was considered not only common civility but the lack thereof was cause for a fight at the very least. What is this world coming to?

I refuse to give in to this trend and not only show common civility to others but expect, nay, demand it from others. Perhaps I am of an old fashioned mindset but I do not allow those with whom I am not intimate to address me on a first name basis as this is quite rude and assumes an intimacy which does not exist. I also do not accept rudeness as acceptable and will immediately address said rudeness with the perpetrator the instant it occurs. I never address a person by their first name, instead using "Mr", "Miss", "Mrs", or the modern "Ms", unless we have some sort of intimate relationship either in our personal or business lives as it should be.

I despise rudeness. It shows a complete lack of respect towards others and I can not abide it. Perhaps I am just a modern day dinosaur.

Comments (Page 2)
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on Jun 24, 2006
#13 by Dr. Guy
Sat, June 24, 2006 3:13 PM



[Dr. Guy]

This reminds me of an episode I had. I was working with a tech support guy on a server problem. I had him on speaker phone as we worked to resolve the issue. Several times, he asked me questions, and I responded with a Yes sir. Out of habit.

My boss over heard me and went balistic! He called me into his office the next morning and demanded to know why I was addressing this 'lowly" tech guy as sir since I was the senior engineer!

I told him "because that was the way I was raised".

But then again, my boss is a POS. Sir.


Definately sounds like your boss is a serious asshat.
on Jun 24, 2006
#14 by AvantiTexan
Sat, June 24, 2006 4:18 PM



[AvantiTexan]
I too was brought up to address people respectfully, but I don't think I really got the hang of it until I began to learn Italian. They have two "formal" modes of address. If it is just a normal person that you don't know that well (it could even be a person that you see and talk to every day, but you don't share intimate detials of life with them) you always address them in the third personal singular fem. (i.e. she/her), if it is an older person (at times even if you know them well, but out of respect) you address them in the 2nd personal plural (i.e. you or y'all if you're from Texas). It has taken me a long time to get used to this!


I would imagine it would take some getting used to. I'll just stick with sir and ma'am/madam.
on Jun 24, 2006
You mean you're not one of those lazy "modern" parents that leaves it up to the television and public school system to teach your children?



Nope! and of course those 2 "kids" of mine are grown up now, and I'm dang proud to say my son opens doors for women and seniors, offers his arm to help me down a step, ( I'm not always sure-footed anymore) says please and thank you, and has learned to contribute to society in different ways.
Now...if I could just get my daughter to stop saying "please? please? please?"...
on Jun 24, 2006
#19 by Trudygolightly
Sat, June 24, 2006 8:18 PM

Sounds like you did a good job.
on Jun 24, 2006
Here it is, or at least was, considered rude to not use terms of respect. No he wasn't Australian he was Hopi.

Here it has nothing to do with a class system or position, merely common respect.


I know. It makes it difficult to deal with Americans in public. I have to resist the urge to start screaming at them for being so rudely formal.
on Jun 24, 2006
#21 by cactoblasta
Sat, June 24, 2006 9:02 PM




Here it is, or at least was, considered rude to not use terms of respect. No he wasn't Australian he was Hopi.

Here it has nothing to do with a class system or position, merely common respect.


I know. It makes it difficult to deal with Americans in public. I have to resist the urge to start screaming at them for being so rudely formal.


Yep, definate culture difference, here you would be rudely informal.
on Jun 25, 2006
despise rudeness. It shows a complete lack of respect towards others and I can not abide it. Perhaps I am just a modern day dinosaur.


I think as someone said the Age of Chivalry is dead and the Age of Sophistry has begun. You should continue being courteous and someday people will realise that courtesey is precious.
on Jun 26, 2006
or refrain from using vulgar language in a lady's presence


First, I would just like to say that I am 22 y/o. All my life I have been raised to be courteous, especially to complete strangers. Actually, I never had a problem with this, I thought people admired and respected courtesy. Or so I thought. Example: I was shooting pool one night with some friends, so there were people on sides of us (other players on other tables). I got into a heated debate about nothing with a friend of mine. Both of us used some vulgar language. At the time, I really didn't think any of the people around cared (I knew most) except for these two very attractive young ladies...well not young to me. My upbringing kicked in and I approached the girls to appologize for our language. I thought this would be appreciated, well it wasn't. One girl turned to me and said something like, 'hey what do I look like little miss goodie tooshoes'. I was baffled. I proceeded to return to my friends, who now were throwing the incident in my face, of which I had to listen about all night. Also, I have had several men and women ask me not to address them by ma'am and sir. Personally, I like it when I am addressed by sir, it shows respect and I respect that. Basically, what I am trying to say is I completely agree with you MasonM.

Here is a related link with some interesting stats.

Link

on Jun 26, 2006
Hmmm, I can't say I've ever run across anyone complaining at me using a "Thank you, sir". But as for the Mr [lastname] part, I prefer to be on a first name basis with the world. I expect to be called Hank, and I expect to use the first name of the person I'm responding to. In general, I've never had a problem with this, from my bosses to my clients, to people I know casually.

I prefer the first name in part because I think of myself as "Hank". The name on my birth certificate is just my legal identity, used by banks, doctors, lawyers, telemarketers, etc. In other words, not with anyone you would normally have a conversation with . In part too, because I really have a hard time with some last names and I would rather not mangle the pronounciation...
on Jun 26, 2006
They have two "formal" modes of address. If it is just a normal person that you don't know that well (it could even be a person that you see and talk to every day, but you don't share intimate detials of life with them) you always address them in the third personal singular fem. (i.e. she/her), if it is an older person (at times even if you know them well, but out of respect) you address them in the 2nd personal plural (i.e. you or y'all if you're from Texas). It has taken me a long time to get used to this!


Spanish, being another romance language, is the same way. I really learned a lot about respect and the like (and the scriptures, oddly enough) once I started learning Spanish. What fun, being bilingual. It's just what you do in Spanish, without question. If you're friends or close relatives, it's the "tú" form, whereas elders and those you're not familiar with, it's the "usted" form. Course, if you go to Argentina or Guatemala, they throw the "voz" form in there, which just complicates things.
on Jun 27, 2006

it's the "tú" form, whereas elders and those you're not familiar with, it's the "usted" form.

I think English may be alone in not have a formal versus familiar as German has du and Sie as well.

on Jun 27, 2006
Javanese has at least three different levels of address depending on the speaker and listener. To make it even more difficult each level has a different vocabulary that's only occasionally related to the other levels. Korean's even more complicated.

To be honest I like that English is so informal.
on Jun 27, 2006
It's great that you are the way you are M! I have noticed what you've mentioned here though, so many people these days have forgotten what courtesy is all about. It's like you mentioned, being rude seems to be the norm, almost expected!
on Jun 27, 2006

To be honest I like that English is so informal.

Just damn hard to learn with all the exceptions to the rules.

on Jun 28, 2006
I've actually blogged about this previously. I was raised to say be polite, although I don't go as far as calling anyone 'sir' or 'ma'am, (to emphasise Cacto's point; there is a saying here in Australia 'Don't call me Sir, I work for a living).

I despise rudeness. It shows a complete lack of respect towards others and I can not abide it.


I think it actually also shows a lack of self-respect as well.
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